O holy night.

O Holy Night is my absolute favorite Christmas song. No matter how mad the season seems to get, whenever I hear it I cannot help but pause and think of Jesus, his birth and new life and my absolute gratitude and love that he came to set us free. I can't make it through it without crying when we sing my favorite verse:

Truly He taught us to love one another,

His law is love and His gospel is peace.

Chains he shall break, for the slave is our brother.

And in his name all oppression shall cease.

Wow, its just so powerful i feel it speaks for itself. I am hoping that this Christmas season and through out the year(and my life) I can know and live this truth more.

What we found was there always

I found this quote today in my notebook... i remember seeing it in one of the works in the "All Faiths Beautiful" exhibit at the American Visionary Arts Museum. I found it quite beautiful so I wanted to post:

"I had such a hopeless desire for you til I saw how your light yearned for me too. I pushed and I pushed til I saw it was you who had already drawn me to every good that I knew."

This Bleeding World

I've had another interesting experience today. I went to my 11:30 Bio lecture and as it turned out only four other students showed up. It being an absolutely gorgeous sunny warm autumn day my professor suggested we take our small study session outside. And since it was just women, of course we got to talking about life, men, marriage, weight, death, spirituality, pyschics, child birth. It was really quite amazing how open we all were with eachother, especially my professsor, who told us weepily about the death of her brother and her failing 23 year marriage.

This led to another one of the girls telling us about how she was recently left waiting at the altar for her fiance. She finished with how she wished she had seen a pyshic before her wedding, because then she would've known and could've been prepared. And it reminded me of a mother recently talking of her grown son, "I'm worried if he goes into ministry because he might get hurt." Ah. Here we are; hurt.
How we wish we could protect and prevent it, but we can't. And while, it is AWFUL, it is part of life. We have all experienced it, we have all had to deal with hurt. Life is full of it. Yes, hurt it sucks and its universal. I've found though it is through pain that we grow. I've learned much more from pain and hard things, than from pleasant. I feel more compassion because of the hurt. I say this only of course, because I can give my hurt to Jesus, he reaches out and touches and feels it with me and takes it. Because really though I've learned through my pain, the only reason I'm not crippled by it is because I don't have to bear it alone. And of course I still have loads I'm sure I need to work on.
And it made me sad and glad. Glad that I have a Savior who isn't afraid of my messy ugly hurt. Glad that I can look back now on past hurt and have grown and pushed through it. And yet sad because the world is full of so much hurt. People who don't deal with it, who want to hide from life or love, people walking around practically crippled with pain from hurt. And with this in my mind I must do as Donald Miller says we need, " to hold our hands against the wounds of this broken world, to stop the bleeding."

Mr. Crabby

As I was walking to my car yesterday evening I stumbled upon the most surprising of things... a live blue crab in the grass. I am in a total quandry as to how it got there as I do not live on the water... save maybe he got out of someone's crab pot.

I left the crab in my sink til I got back from my lab.(after quite a fight... he was a fierce) And I was going to steam him, but when I came back I could see that he was slowing down and dying. And I couldn't do it... at twelve o'clock after a bit of a struggle to get him into a bucket without getting pinched, I took him to the severn river and released him.

I feel at peace about my decision though, except that my conspiracy theory brain is somehow linking the presence of the crab in my yard to the destruction of the enviroment.

the grass is green!

Wow summer is flying by so fast. And with it brings a whole phase of unexpected gifts: a boyfriend and a new car! Its crazy to look back to last year and think that I was about to celebrate Becki's birthday in London, finishing up Via, planning to go to Royal Holloway, and enjoying my time with the Turrigianos. Ha Ha. How God had different plans for me, and now I look back and think it was hard to make the decisions I did at the time, but I'm glad that I did. I couldn't see the forest through the trees yet. Isn't that how it always is... and its not just the having a boyfriend and a car... its everything that has fallen into my life these last several months and its been different than I expected, but wonderful. Life's an adventure... its the only way I want it. I'm just so blessed that God knows that about me!

Ponderings of me

So I've been really thinking about a few things lately. Trying to figure out what is really the best possible way to live... Is it better to work only part time for the rest of my life to develop relationships and really work on being in community and being alive and working in the community?
I think it is always better to be generous... this has been such an amazing blessing when others have been to me it has made me really think that i want to be as generous as my means allow. Maybe i will have to live more simply. ANd in light that i will now acquire my second free car ( a mind blowing blessing from God!!!!) I don't think i could ever trade in or sell an old car... i feel that i should always find someone in need and give it away(if/when i buy a car)

And i'm kind of annoyed with Christians that have seemed to have lost the ability to relate to people... like they don't know how to be friends!!! please God, never let me lose sight of people as people and lose my ability to just be a good friend.

In other news my sunflower has started to bloom!!! And Katie Maggie and I have found everyone's inner HArry Potter character.... I'm Tonks... yes its true i'm in love with a werewolf.

three right in a row!

WOw God is good... so much to be thankful for today! A free car possibly(my second one... God really has my back!!!!), a free bike (thanks to Bryan!) A lovely long walk to Gary's Grill. Rita's gelati with Ashleigh. Sunshine! Julie being an awesome friend. My dad being absolutely ridiculous with boys my age, and then smiling at me the whole night telling me it was just because he was just thinking about me thats all. haha.

A magical evening.

I just had the most magical experience tonight. As I was sitting outside Caribou Coffee with Dan I notice this dumpster. I love dumpster diving so I run over to it, but realize its not a good dumpster just full of coffee and cardboard. Dan mentions that there are tons of dumpsters behind the shopping center so i say lets go... we found tons of awesome cigar boxes which we will use in some form of art. We left a huge sign outside the gamestop dumpster which we drew with sharpies the recycle sign and the mother theresa quote "there are no great things only small things done with great love"(because they did not recycle all those cardboard boxes)

So we ended up sneaking into the Atlanta Bread company dumpster where we found our jackpot! A whole trash bag full of loaves of untouched bread in many assortments!!! Such a waste but such a beautiful thing to find. So we took it to my house where we made coffee, toast and eggs in a nest,(with our new found treasure) to celebrate. Now i have a billion loaves of bread downstairs to decide who to give them to tomorrow... Wow this was an exciting night.

La La Lovely Day

Today was a lovely memorial day! I slept til 1130 which i felt my body really needed and awoke to a gorgeous sunny day. Spent a few hours out weeding and planting in the garden. Then went out to paint in my backyard. Had a barbeque with the family this evening started reading again. It was lovely!

And bryan says he may have found a bike for me!!! Its a fixer upper but I'm soo excited, yay for bike riding... ahh its been soo long. And tomorrow Julie and i will begin our running ... eek i'm a little apprehensive, but excited to run with her! Keeping doing new things... its suppose to keep you young right... although i think i'm a bit ahead of the game as i'm only twenty...haha. so essentially i'll be fifteen soon. oh no, i think my plan is backfiring!

Still loving being light blonde. Decidely have an addiction to boys in bands with dark hair, white tees, suit vests, and fitted jeans (how are there so many?) And still saddened by friends who seem not qutie ready to give up their addictions...:(

Just the smell of the summer can make me fall in love.

These past few days have been absolutely gorgeous! Summer is fast approaching... the sun is out and its warm. Daylight lasts longer and then there is dusk and summer nights which are my favorite!

Have had many a good conversation lately with friends about really living your life. While going to college and preparing for the future is not bad, people seem so consumed with it all. They graduate and have to work to make their payments and move to the next level. But we really believe that while you need to take care of those things you need to live in the now. Enjoy each day be in the present. So with this wonderful season approaching... i took the break between my classes the other day to go to a nearby little beach and walk all the way out on the dock and just be for an hour. It was wonderful! and the scenery uniquely maryland. And yesterday went to the park... to just BE. And it was great.... the hippie in me is awakening in the spring time months. Trying to be and just be in the present more and more these days. just wishing i could go to the beach for a week and do nothing but sit on the beach and live off shrimp and margaritas.

have also decided to wear as many sundresses and skirts as possible this summer... avoid wearing pants or shorts as much as humanly possible.

one foot in front of the next

"Like David, I wanna be a man after God’s own heart. And I’m not there yet, but I’m past the start." - Bradley Hathaway's Manly Man

I'm not there yet, but i'm past the start. I like it. Thank you Mr. Hathaway.

ugh sometimes i just have days when i just dont want to do church anymore. you ever have those days? i mean I'm all about Jesus, but its those crazy people that put me off. I jjust don't know... you know one of those days when you just pray constantly, need a good cry, and want to move to figi or somewhere with no one. ANd then just when you are about to pack all your stuff up there is peace, there comes good company, good laughs, peace from God, something just a bit uplifting happens, and you just know that it will be ok... You feel Him. And He speaks love.

i dunno, maybe i'm crazy but this is me. And all i have to say is the older i get the more i just want real people to surround me, honest and real.

Good night New Hampshire.

So I have to laugh when i think back to my interview with Tom for Via. I said the thing i would most hate is speaking in front of people and here i am a year and a half later, giving announcements at youth conferences and churches. HA! God sure has a sense of humor. And it gets easier as I go. I absolutely love it too... i get my expenses paid to go meet a bunch of people, and hang out for a few weekends when all I have to do is give a little announcement. Its been fun. But definitely stretching, in the best way. You fall down to pick yourself up, you get humiliated to stay human. You realize that its all Him so it takes a the pressure off (ok not all but a load)

And He knows me. I get to meet new people at conferences, I get to be involved in bringing Via and involved in Youth, I get to go to Palestine for free. Its exciting and new and fun. I was so afraid of getting stuck and bored in Maryland, and here He is probably chuckling as I realize I'm not stuck and won't be. I am finding the beauty in the mistakes, discovering new friends, feeling alive! ITs a bit busy now but in a good sense. I get to network my MOST favorite thing to do! I get to meet weird and interesting people (my favorite!) Praise God. He is tooo good to me! I feel like a love struck girl in the first few months of a new love, "HE LOVES ME!" she smiles and sighs.

February 12th is a coming fast...

here's to one more month:

They're gonna clean up your looks
With all the lies in the books
To make a citizen out of you
Because they sleep with a gun
And keep an eye on you son
So they can watch all the things you do

Because the drugs never work
They're gonna give you a smirk
Cause they got methods of keeping you clean
They gonna rip up your heads
Your aspirations to shreds
Another cog in the murder machine

They said all
Teenagers scare the living shit outta me
They could care less as long as someone'll bleed
So darken your clothes
Or strike a violent pose
Maybe they'll leave you alone, but not me
-my chemical romance

oh i should've been and english teacher

So I was just thinking of rhetoric the other day and how important it is. I suppose history teaches this, and fools disagree with it. Any of us who have taken a history class, especially those of the diversity sort (African American, Womens, ect.) know that a change in "rhetoric" towards a people group or ideal, usually ushers in change or is ushered in by change. In any case it is linked to change. For examples, just think of any phrase which is "politically correct" and think of how it is somehow linked to a political or societial change. (although as a disclaimer, i hate that now adays things have to be so politically correct they seem sterile, or lose character.)

But with this in mind I was thinking of how important rhetoric must be in terms of the Churh. And I was probably a little sad after speaking with my highschool sunday school class about church, realizing that most of them think its just a sunday morning duty they have to complete before checking it off there list. I was wishing that there were more people around me that thought "wow, its sunday, i get to go to church," rather than, "it's sunday, i have to go to church." Don't get me wrong I do know some people that feel that way, but they (myself included) usually use the latter phrase. So i'm proposing that if you feel like that you should use the former phrase, "I get to go to church." I don't know maybe i'm just crazy or wrong but i feel like with this change in rhetoric, it may at least get others thinking and bring back some excitement to sharing in corporate worship and fellowship on sundays.

Also, reading Shane Claiborne's "Irresistable Revolution." Its amazing!