I'm procrastinating the world's most retarded paper to write ever....aaaahhhh h except the next one that i will have to write for this ed psych class... the class is great the papers are pointless... and i usually don't mind writing. ugggh.. ok i just had to get it out of me. back to writing.

Spring Awakening

As spring is coming... i'm feeling this rebirth in of the things I love. I'm absolutely loving my art class right now and all the charcoal i'm using... it feels so good. I've been getting my whole body into it, and my professor is awesome. It is all making me think back to last spring and my outside art creating... allowing me to become excited to do more in a few weeks time! And i'm feeling a bit of writing popping up in my head... nothing in full, but phrases and words... it feels as though i'm on the verge.

Today I went crazy with a q-tip cleaning my cell phone... haha. I heard it holds tons of bacteria, which breeds because its kept in warm dark places. haha... there is a bit of OCD in me still. Also loving my ed psych class, its great in practical application.

O holy night.

O Holy Night is my absolute favorite Christmas song. No matter how mad the season seems to get, whenever I hear it I cannot help but pause and think of Jesus, his birth and new life and my absolute gratitude and love that he came to set us free. I can't make it through it without crying when we sing my favorite verse:

Truly He taught us to love one another,

His law is love and His gospel is peace.

Chains he shall break, for the slave is our brother.

And in his name all oppression shall cease.

Wow, its just so powerful i feel it speaks for itself. I am hoping that this Christmas season and through out the year(and my life) I can know and live this truth more.

What we found was there always

I found this quote today in my notebook... i remember seeing it in one of the works in the "All Faiths Beautiful" exhibit at the American Visionary Arts Museum. I found it quite beautiful so I wanted to post:

"I had such a hopeless desire for you til I saw how your light yearned for me too. I pushed and I pushed til I saw it was you who had already drawn me to every good that I knew."

This Bleeding World

I've had another interesting experience today. I went to my 11:30 Bio lecture and as it turned out only four other students showed up. It being an absolutely gorgeous sunny warm autumn day my professor suggested we take our small study session outside. And since it was just women, of course we got to talking about life, men, marriage, weight, death, spirituality, pyschics, child birth. It was really quite amazing how open we all were with eachother, especially my professsor, who told us weepily about the death of her brother and her failing 23 year marriage.

This led to another one of the girls telling us about how she was recently left waiting at the altar for her fiance. She finished with how she wished she had seen a pyshic before her wedding, because then she would've known and could've been prepared. And it reminded me of a mother recently talking of her grown son, "I'm worried if he goes into ministry because he might get hurt." Ah. Here we are; hurt.
How we wish we could protect and prevent it, but we can't. And while, it is AWFUL, it is part of life. We have all experienced it, we have all had to deal with hurt. Life is full of it. Yes, hurt it sucks and its universal. I've found though it is through pain that we grow. I've learned much more from pain and hard things, than from pleasant. I feel more compassion because of the hurt. I say this only of course, because I can give my hurt to Jesus, he reaches out and touches and feels it with me and takes it. Because really though I've learned through my pain, the only reason I'm not crippled by it is because I don't have to bear it alone. And of course I still have loads I'm sure I need to work on.
And it made me sad and glad. Glad that I have a Savior who isn't afraid of my messy ugly hurt. Glad that I can look back now on past hurt and have grown and pushed through it. And yet sad because the world is full of so much hurt. People who don't deal with it, who want to hide from life or love, people walking around practically crippled with pain from hurt. And with this in my mind I must do as Donald Miller says we need, " to hold our hands against the wounds of this broken world, to stop the bleeding."

Mr. Crabby

As I was walking to my car yesterday evening I stumbled upon the most surprising of things... a live blue crab in the grass. I am in a total quandry as to how it got there as I do not live on the water... save maybe he got out of someone's crab pot.

I left the crab in my sink til I got back from my lab.(after quite a fight... he was a fierce) And I was going to steam him, but when I came back I could see that he was slowing down and dying. And I couldn't do it... at twelve o'clock after a bit of a struggle to get him into a bucket without getting pinched, I took him to the severn river and released him.

I feel at peace about my decision though, except that my conspiracy theory brain is somehow linking the presence of the crab in my yard to the destruction of the enviroment.

the grass is green!

Wow summer is flying by so fast. And with it brings a whole phase of unexpected gifts: a boyfriend and a new car! Its crazy to look back to last year and think that I was about to celebrate Becki's birthday in London, finishing up Via, planning to go to Royal Holloway, and enjoying my time with the Turrigianos. Ha Ha. How God had different plans for me, and now I look back and think it was hard to make the decisions I did at the time, but I'm glad that I did. I couldn't see the forest through the trees yet. Isn't that how it always is... and its not just the having a boyfriend and a car... its everything that has fallen into my life these last several months and its been different than I expected, but wonderful. Life's an adventure... its the only way I want it. I'm just so blessed that God knows that about me!